Chained

I know you all aren’t so busy with your hectic lives you can’t spare a minute to say something on here. I mean, think of all Banner’s hard work, wasted. And get your asses back here.

Moving on from Rio’s comment, which needs to be ignored, I am SO bored. I expected the RMF to take up a lot of my time and energy, but honestly, not as much as it has - and now that it has, I’m addicted. The physical demands, the classes, the evaluations - the whole process is like a drug. A really good, really exciting drug. And now I’m home - with Kylie, luckily, but still home - and everything is relaxed and, well, boring. I’m going crazy, doing whatever I want day after day, and eating dinner with Mom and Dad and the kids, and wasting time. It feels like I’m wasting all kinds of valuable time I could be using to kick some ass and move up at McDouglas. Ugh. I can’t wait until the school opens again.

Ask Cassius - who everyone seems so fucking fond of these days - what he did to pass the time in prison. Go ahead, anyone. I dare you.

I was burglarized last night while I was away. Guy just busted through the window and stole off with my entire fucking safe!!! It was one of those wall safes, hidden behind some stupid picture, and he tossed the place clean from one end to the other, stole off with my television, vcr, all that shit. Just cleaned house. You know how long it took him? Six minutes. In an out. Cops never had a chance to get there even with the alarm system.

My neighbors? They were home. They heard the breaking glass, saw the car, heard the alarms go off, and /shut the blinds/ so they wouldn’t be called in as a witness. My god, what is with people these days? Do I have to bolt everything down?

And how the hell did he find my safe? Garrgh. Anybody hears anything about who did it (yeah right, all the way up there in Santine?) tip me off already.

I’m off to buy a new life.

I couldn’t help noticing the row of empty seats the other night at the triplets’ play. Seats that should have been filled with Chain butts. I’m ashamed of all of you. I can’t believe how many UNbelievable last-minute excuses I heard, either. The only person that came was your father! And by the way, the play was adorable. The triplets were charming, but probably not as charming as they could have been, since their hearts were partially broken by the half-full audience.

You all tend to be quite gloomy.  I think it’s about time to cheer you up, and with  any luck I have just the thing.

I just so happen to have a number of gems, including emeralds, rubies, and diamonds, to resell at my discretion.  As I feel a certain familial fondness towards you lot, I figured I would make offers to you first.  They’re lovely things, and I know a good number of you have someone in your life who probably deserves a pretty or two.  Let me know if you’re interested.  Saves me the work of looking up some stodgy retailer who’ll try to put one over on me, and saves you all money.

Ever had one of those horrible, bad dreams where everything seems so real, but sometime through, you realize you’re dreaming, and you wake yourself up? Sure. Everyone has, right? But last night, I did that, except I didn’t wake up - instead, I lived on through some other horrible dream where I thought I was awake, even /thought/ about the bad dream and how glad I was not to be living it, when everything all went wrong again… And then I woke up for real.

Though I admit, it took me a while to know I was awake after that. In a way, I still wonder - is this all just a dream within a dream? Are we ever really awake? Am I?

Apple’s fourth birthday party was yesterday. She’s getting so big, and so bossy. She can’t sit still anymore, not that she ever could. She hardly talks to me. I think she’s afraid I’ll leave again (I’ve been in and out of treatment centers for months). It hurts me, but it’s what I’ve caused between us. I always promised myself I’d be the kind of mother who read bedtime stories and played in parks with my girls, and instead they hardly know me, and what they do know makes them sad. Thankfully, Apple didn’t seem affected by any of it on her birthday.

We had an outdoor party, around the pool. The kids swam and had cake and broke the pinata, and of course Apple and Lulu were fighting because it was Apple’s birthday and not hers.

Really, I just wanted to thank everyone who sent Apple cards and presents, and if I can talk her into it she’ll hand-write her own thank-yous - eventually.

I love you guys!

There’s nothing like an ocean storm. Nothing. We had one today. It started just after breakfast. The clouds were black, there was lightening everywhere, the rain was hard enough to bruise, and the waves were out of control. I went outside, to the edge of the water. Stupid, maybe, but I wanted to be in it.

I was powerless there, and it was an adrenaline rush. Everyone is powerless next to something that fierce, no matter what kind of money or influence they have, no matter how many guns. The storm took me in, and I was at its mercy.

Control isn’t worth anything.

Whoever scratched my car - yes, the car - ought to prepare for death. Write your damned will or something, because I will find you, and hunt you down, and expose your intestines to daylight.